Dear Reconcilers,

This month our guest writer Sheila Graham shares an everyday anecdote with a deeper message.  

Where Y’all From?

“Where are you from?” I asked the barista serving up mimosas at a Mother’s Day brunch. It was a question often asked in Texas as a conversation starter. When he said, “Puerto Rico,” my daughter piped up and started telling him where we were from. What is she talking about, I thought. He’s not interested in our family history. That’s when it became clear I had made a social faux pas.

Yes, I could see he was Hispanic but he had no accent. It didn’t occur to me he thought I was asking his place of family origin. I should have known better. If he had been white or black, I wouldn’t have thought to ask him that question.

After moving to Texas when I was asked that familiar question, I knew after I said California, they would think, another dang Californian moving here with their liberal ideas. So I would quickly add, “We’re originally from here. My husband and I moved back to be closer to our Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas relatives.”

This made me ask myself, why ask that question anyway? It could be innocent, but it also could be a leading question to see if someone fits into our particular circle of acquaintances.

Let’s see, their race is obvious but what area of the country are they from and do they lean left or right politically? Categorizing people by focusing on differences instead of on what we all share as human beings living on the same planet is not the way to begin new relationships.

And, isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing as Christians? God is a God who reaches out to us, who includes us in loving relationship. He’s all about connecting with others. Whether welcoming a new neighbor or showing appreciation for those who make their living serving us, let’s remind ourselves we’re all trying our best to cope in an often hard and unfriendly world.

Okay, this incident reminded me I can be clueless, and it’s also taught me not to be asking people where they are from anymore. At least I didn’t ask him where he went to church, the second question I was asked when I moved here.

Sheila Graham has a master’s of arts in religion and a master’s of arts in women’s studies in religion. Among her published writings is The Proverbs 31 Woman and Other Biblical Women, coauthored with Michael Morrison, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, which also addresses the question of what roles women can play in the church today.