Dear Reconcilers,

Our guest writer this month is Sheila Graham. Sheila shares a personal story, illustrating how vital forgiveness and reconciliation are on the path that leads to comfort and healing.   

Some years ago now, my oldest son was killed accidentally. My young grandson was left without a father. After the initial shock of learning my son was dead, what could I do but forgive the man. He didn’t mean to kill my son.

But how about forgiving those who aren’t sorry they hurt others and maybe even continue to do so. Martin Luther King said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

Can we really have the constant attitude of forgiveness Dr. King talked about, forgiving those who continue to hurt us. Can there be reconciliation without some sort of justice for the injured person. Dr. King thought so and he gave his life for what he believed. We know he was following Jesus Christ in doing so, because Jesus taught the same, giving his life for the sake of forgiveness—not his, ours!

The consequences of the failure to forgive can affect generations of people. A lack of forgiveness has caused wars among nations, creating suffering and loss for hundreds of thousands over decades.

This happens even in families. Family members can get upset over some offense and quit speaking to one another for years. They may not show up for each other’s family get-togethers, reunions, family celebrations or even funerals. How sad is that! What a loss, not only to them but also to their children and grandchildren.

That’s not saying forgiveness is easy. It’s not. And it’s especially difficult to forgive someone who has harmed your children or other loved ones. Even when you convince yourself you have forgiven them, memories of what you or others suffered can come back to haunt you. But without forgiveness, how can we have any hope of reconciliation.

Have I made forgiveness sound impossible? It is if we try to forgive on our own. Only God can reach down in our hearts and remove the animosity we hold toward others. Forgiveness is God’s work.

Sheila Graham has a master’s of arts in religion and a master’s of arts in women’s studies in religion. Among her published writings is The Proverbs 31 Woman and Other Biblical Women, coauthored with Michael Morrison, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, which also addresses the question of what roles women can play in the church today.