Dear Reconcilers,

In this month’s letter, guest writer Mike Feazell describes the harmful effects of conflict and the way to resolve our differences.

The Pathway to Peace

Have you ever thought about the fact that reconciliation, which is a very good thing, only exists where there is conflict? Without conflict, there is nothing to reconcile, is there?

As we all know very well, conflict is part and parcel with our world. It exists in every family, every neighborhood, every village, town, city, and country. Indeed, we live in a world of conflict.

Most conflicts are easily resolved—a simple heartfelt “I’m sorry.” And that apology, if it is accepted in the same kind and merciful spirit, works as a healing balm to both parties.

We all carry a certain amount of conflict in our hearts. It might be argued that some of it is justified, that it has an ugly cause. Even so, conflict hurts both parties. The offended person, holding anger and resentment, even against a real and harmful offense, is being eaten away as long as they hold on to that anger. As we all have experienced, when we dwell on a grievous wrong committed against us or against people we care about, our pulse rate increases, our blood pressure goes up, stomach acid increases, breathing becomes shallow, and we might shout and storm around in a rage if we don’t put the brakes on.

Listening to Jesus at such times is pretty hard, isn’t it? When our spouse takes an opposite view on something we feel strongly about and doesn’t seem to care about listening to our point of view, we can become pretty irate, maybe shout and call our life partner cruel names. Listening to Jesus doesn’t even occur to us at times like that, does it? Reconciliation occurs when one or the other calms down and remembers that the other is a human being, with human faults and weaknesses just like theirs, and makes the first move to forgive. Then, receiving that forgiveness and sharing it right back, starts the healing balm flowing.

Sometimes the conflict comes from afar, from people wielding power over us with whom we have no personal relationship. We might have the same—or worse—irate, blood pressure raising reaction to things they do. With people we know, spouse, children, clerks, neighbors, we can, when we calm down and listen to Jesus, we can apologize and in doing so likely get past the offense and restore a good relationship. But with faraway powerful people and organizations, we can’t do that. We usually just read more news items from sources who share our angry views and let our blood pressure run rampant. The offense eats away at our emotions and our bodies. And then it begins to affect many of our close relationships, forcing friends and family members to either steer clear of us or beg us to stop feeding on negative things we cannot control.

Let’s listen to Jesus for a moment. He said:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.”
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

The parable of the Good Samaritan ends with Jesus asking who acted as a neighbor, and the answer came back, “The one who had mercy on him.” Then Jesus said, “Go and do likewise.”

It’s not easy to listen to Jesus about dealing with our conflicts and grudges and the pain caused by others, especially in this crazy and so often confusing modern world. But it is the only way we’re going to find real peace in our own hearts and lives.

—By J. Michael Feazell