August 2023 Monthly Letter
Dear Reconcilers,
This month’s letter is titled The Three C’s of Peace by Willard High. We hope you enjoy his thoughtful message.
Although we are as different as snowflakes, we share things in common—we like excitement, whatever that means to us individually, and we all crave peace. Destructive wars have been fought throughout history in the name of peace. A thoughtful computer technician recently explained to Jannice May his three-ingredient recipe for peace between himself and those inside and outside of his relationship circle. I will expand on his three-phrase motto.
He starts with a tough one: Do Not Criticize. It is so easy to be critical, especially of those we think we know best. The more you know about people, the more entitled you may feel to criticize them—because you see their faults so clearly and so often, right? In reality, the more you know about a person, the less objective you are and the more likely you are to say things that should never be said to anyone. Your familiarity can make you feel you are entitled. You are not! How careless is it then to criticize those you do not know? Critical words can taint spirits, frustrate ambition and destroy relationships.
His next tip is golden: Do Not Complain. Even complainers do not like being around other complainers. If you find that people are drifting away from you—giving excuses to cut short conversations and face-time, check yourself to see if you have the “Complaint Bug.” Explaining is one thing but complaining is another, and one can easily turn into the other. In his best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, author Dale Carnegie explained how people are attracted to good listeners rather than those who constantly talk about themselves. Hey, life is hard and we all need a confidant to whom we can vent, but remember communication is a two-way street. A faithful confidant is hard to find so try to temper how much you lay on those who are willing to listen. If you talk regularly about yourself without consideration for what others have to say, check yourself; you may find that you are spending a good deal of that time in selfish chatter or in complaining. Friends and family who love us may want to listen and help with our issues, but constant complaining gets old fast. It’s a sure-fire way to chase them away and dry up good-will. May God deliver you from all evil, and I do not mean to diminish anyone’s burdens, but personally I have found that a quick scan of my acquaintances uncovers people with larger burdens than mine.
This last tip can save lives: Do Not Condemn. Here I am speaking of writing people off as if they have no earthly value. This sometimes happens with those we don’t even know. How many lives have been ruined before they have begun by words of condemnation spoken from judgmental, ignorant (uninformed) minds? I think of children who are told they will never amount to anything, or that they cannot learn. Those words sink so deeply into their tender spirits that they go forth and fulfill that disastrous prophecy. For example, young girls who are told they are ugly or dumb have a difficult time recognizing their own value. Whole ethnic groups are sometimes lumped together and persistently portrayed in a negative light by hateful, small, manipulative minds devoid of any real humanity or Godly love. If you tell even a balanced person negative things often with enough venom, he’ll take that poison into his soul and live it out. Some people lose all hope when they are repeatedly bombarded with negativism. Choose your words carefully, for you do not know how many straws have already been placed on their backs. We carry an important responsibility in how we use our tongues. The Proverbs say that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Living by the Three C’s will help us avoid a lot of mistakes and promote peace with others inside and outside of our immediate circles.
Willard High is Pastor Emeritus of The Shepherd’s Community Church in Harvey, Illinois.