January 2024 Monthly Letter

Dear Reconcilers,

As the new year begins, we are pleased to share an inspiring perspective on forgiveness by Grace Fox, who was a guest speaker at the 2023 Connecting & Bonding Conference in Southern California. 

Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Is Not

As Christ’s followers, we agree that forgiveness is non-negotiable, right? (Colossians 3:13) I suspect we also agree that it’s difficult. 

Perhaps forgiveness would come easier if we understood what it is and what it is not. For instance, we might mistakenly believe that extending forgiveness stamps approval on the offense. Rest assured, forgiveness doesn’t say the offender’s actions were okay. Remember—sin is never okay in God’s eyes.

Neither is forgiveness a warm, loving feeling. Concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” At one of her speaking events following her release from the camp, Corrie overruled her emotions when a former prison guard greeted her. Choosing to forgive rather than harbor hatred, she extended her hand toward his and welcomed his handshake.

Finally, forgiveness is not a one-time event. It’s like peeling the layers of an onion. Just when we think we’ve mastered it, we face a trigger that forces us to process our experience again.

Forgiveness is not approving the offense. Neither is it a loving feeling or a one-time event. So—what is it?

Forgiveness is extending undeserved favor toward the offender as God extends undeserved favor toward us: “God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) This might be as simple as greeting our offender when we meet him at the grocery store or lending a hand when he needs help. God showed love when we didn’t deserve it, and He empowers us to do the same for those who wrong us. 

Forgiveness is looking past the offense to see the offender’s heart. People in a healthy place spiritually, emotionally, and mentally don’t intentionally cause others pain, so what provoked the offense? Let’s ask God to help us see that person through His eyes and to reveal the root of his behavior so we can pray specifically. 

Forgiveness is also trusting God to deal appropriately with our offender. (Galatians 6:7) That’s not to say we shouldn’t involve authorities if the offense is of a criminal nature. It is saying we should avoid seeking revenge. Let’s entrust our offender into God’s hands assured that He, the fair judge, will do what’s right. This leaves us free to heal and move forward with our lives. 

Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. Is it easy? No. But it’s necessary so we can enjoy the abundant life Jesus promises, and it’s possible when we ask Him to strengthen us to do what’s right.

Grace Fox is a career missionary and the author of 14 books including Keeping Hope Alive: Devotions for Strength in the Storm. https://www.gracefox.com/books